Photo prompt © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
LOVE’S COLD SHOWER
by
Kelvin M. Knight
The shower curtain became a shroud. Water dripped from his frail fingers. Pain trickled down his emaciated limbs to strangle his joints. Dragging the soap bar over his torso, he winced; his ribs were so prominent his heart beat into his palms.
‘For what?’ he wheezed.
Squinting inside himself, he saw nothing but lost hope. His wife’s wooden cross tugged him down as he strained for the handrail, for the towel, which he draped over himself as her arms refused to, at the end, her end. When she discovered he loved another unconditionally. When her lifelong faith died.
‘Sorry, Catherine.’
(100 words)
Thank you to everyone for joining in this week (18/08/17), and reading each other’s stories. You don’t have to be a Friday Fictioneer to read our stories so please don’t be shy, there is a mix of styles and storylines all inspired by the same photo.
Thanks, as ever, to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers so congenially.
So very sad. Well done.
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This is so vivid… I hope that there is hope in building something new for both of them.
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Thank you, Bjorn. Me, too.
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No sympathy here for the old guy. None.
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Such an emphatic response. Thank you , Linda. Sincerely, thank you.
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Shaking my head in disbelief, Kelvin, that a guy could be so tortured. Amazing.
Vivid descriptions and really brought out the emotions. Good story!
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Thanks Bill. Glad you enjoyed the torture 🙄🙂
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😀
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You created such a tortured soul in this. It dripped from every word.
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Thank you life lessons of a dog lover. Tortured soul he certainly is.
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I was about to pick a favorite line, then upon rereading, I figured I would have written most of them down. Lovely write!
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Thank you . Alicia. That’s so lovely of you to say. Means ever word has counted. Thank you.
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Dear Kelvin,
Powerful and descriptive writing. I felt for this tortured man. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Aw. Thank you Rochelle. That’s what I hoped to achieve for a character who was not as likeable as they should or could be.
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It would be such torture to go on living like this. I hope he can forgive himself, which, I think is what is weighing him down. Masterly use of metaphor and word pictures. It brought it all alive for me.
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Hey joyfulness, good morning (over here). Yes, forgiveness of himself, love of self, love of oneself as well as another is another important part of living. Thank you for your kind comment. Have a lovely day.
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So, so bleak….and yet, might that cold shower revitalise him, reawaken his hope at least?
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Hey, Carlk1111, what a lovely thought. Yes, maybe that’s why he still wears his wife’s cross… 🙏🏻 Thanks for such a lovely comment.
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I, too, agree with Moon’s comment. The descriptions were fabulous. Wonderful write, Kelvin. One makes choices that are not always the right ones…
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Ah so true, Dale. We must always find some way to live with them, though, at least to function … somehow 🙂
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…somehow 😊
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Descriptive and powerful writing, full of emotion. Nicely done
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Thanks, Michael. It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but I an glad you saw something in it.
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As Moon said, he’s feeling guilt and loss for something where he has denied the lure of joy with another, and worked to give the best he could to his wife. It’s terribly sad that his wife Catherine didn’t have the insight to realise that; it’s terribly sad that he couldn’t find the words to explain to her that day after day he had consciously chosen to be with her and not with the other.
It’s a well written and powerful story, with some pretty heavy symbolism. And, yes, dark; I’ll go with dark.
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Thanks, Penny, another spot on comment. Sadness all round when there could have been joy for one, for another. Thanks for taking the time to leave such a long and astute comment.
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A dark powerful write – I somehow got the feeling he had done away with Catherine…
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Maybe… his wife had died… maybe Catherine was his lover left behind to honour his wife… maybe. Thanks for commenting Dahila
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It was disturbing and still so very real. I could feel his pain. Yet, how do you come to terms with what he did? But, that’s what human nature is like. Not black and white. But with many shades of grey. You’ve captured it so beautifully. In only 100 words. Brilliant!
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Thank you Karen for such an in depth comment. So true. Grey grey grey old human nature.
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It is near the end that our burdens are heaviest. A very different take (I somehow do not find it dark).
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That is so true, yarnspinerr. I know. It is interesting to see what my stories bring out in people. Any reaction is good as it is how the reader feels.
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Very very dark! Well depicted!
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Thanks for your comment, Esha. 😕
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Tortured in both mind and body.
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Exactly, drailman. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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This is extremely dark and very wet! Nice one.
Click to read my FriFic
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Thanks, Keith. Yes, all that water and still not cleansed.
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Excellent rendering of this tortured man.
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Thanks, Karen. Glad you saw it.
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You have a dark mind sometimes, Mr. Knight.
This is excellent. So vivid and disturbing
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Thanks, Maria. I tried to make it as real as possible. Going to those dark places is really difficult but I feel I can’t shy away from it in my writerly life. 😎
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Well, you are, like , a proper writer! (My best millennial speak) so I suppose you have to or else you’re closing off your inspiration.
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When you say proper. Superwam, do you mean proper proper like? 🙃
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Yeah, tots proper like
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Just like you then.
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Oh yeah…Me, the multiple times unpublished author and poet. You must’ve heard of me. Household name!
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You will be, Maria. And you are. 🙂
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I can sense the heaviness in his heart, a lifelong burden , especially since you have portrayed it so well. It isn’t a sin to love another unconditionally and yet the guilt of having deprived someone or the sense of having robbed someone of their uncontaminated trust can be difficult to endure for a good man.
A very moving story.
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Oh Moon, thank you, thank you, this is such a profound and exacting comment. Thank you for understanding my latest story so completely. 😀
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🙂 🙂 🙂
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Nice writing. That old guy’s carrying a lot of emotional baggage.
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Hey, thanks David. He sure is. A tormented soul. Until the end.
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What a malicious old man. Though it sounds like he has some excuse. One suggestion: would it be better to describe the shower curtain as a shroud, rather than a tomb?
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Thanks, Neil, of course, shroud is definitely a better word than tomb. Thanks for the suggestion!
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A very good visual description of an unwanted cold torso, but Kelvin if only you knew how cold I am over here, no more cold shoulder words please…….. I might even have to right another verse about the cold…. although I’m over it…. I’ve run out of Mister Frosty words….
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Sorry, Ivor, it is cold and sad, sorry for making you colder and sadder. Next one shall be warm and rosy and cheery. I hope!!!!
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That would be nice, and send some firewood as well. Actually, I so do enjoy your writings and they do have a tendency to warm my old soul…
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Firewood is a speciality of mine, Ivor. As are warming words. Of which the are always plenty. I just have to be careful not to make a fuel of myself!!
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Oh Kelvin, I’ve just noticed, have you got a new profile pic up. and I’m listening to Leonard’s “One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong”, haha, a cold song, brrrr…..
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Yes, it seemed more relevant than my last shot, done in a studio with a professional photographer. This new one was taken in a lichgate at a local church. With glorious warming sunlight pouring over me. Hehe.
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You’ve a natural mean streak in you, I think frost-bite has started in my big toe…..
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🔥🔥🔥
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Ho Ho Ho, it’ll soon be Christmas your way..
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