The following story was written in response to Rochelle’s FridayFictioneers photo prompt. This week’s PHOTO PROMPT © Gah Learner
EXPLORERS
by
Kelvin M. Knight
She knew the way. Through this darkness that once was light. This coldness that would burn her. This emptiness which filled her.
Eventually, that misshapen orb of whiteness, hanging, floating. Visceral beauty personified.
Something stirred inside her. That moon reached out. She plummeted, drifted, then rose and fell. Forgotten breaths deep inside her.
Her mind opened. Three flopped out. A trio of white dots lost to this blackness. Hers. Theirs. Streaks of bouncing greyness. They crackled. They hissed. This language they spoke she forgot lifetimes ago.
Their excitement bubbled. Their wonder expanded. These auras engulfed her as she had them.
(100 words)
If you want to read other FridayFictioneers’ stories also based on this prompt, please click the blue frog button below.
Happy reading and commenting!
enjoyed the comments very much here – and your fiction. I agree with granonine about the native american origins vibe
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It’s always good reading a story and what people thought about it, Y. It’s a good way to grow.
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🙂
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What a mysterious tale… I feel that you have taken us to the power of moon you can get from mythology.
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Thank you, Bjorn, for reading, commenting, and enjoying.
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Quite a journey you have taken us on. We all know where we are going but the powers have their own ideas of what we will encounter. Nicely done.
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Exactly JoHawkTheWriter! Thanks for the read and comment.
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This felt similar, to me, to some American Indian narratives about the birth of the world, the universe, stars and moons and all the spirits they invoke. Native Americans handed their stories down from one generation to another, believing in Power and magic and the importance of dreams. Your post could easily fit into that world.
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Oh, wow, really?! Thank you for such a lovely comment, Linda. Glad my scant words touched you.
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I’m not exactly sure what’s going on but love the ethereal, floaty quality to this. She is flying through space and then, ‘These auras engulfed her as she had them,’ which I’m still working out whether is good or bad.
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Glad you liked my flatness, Sarah. I hoped the ending was positive, the offspring looking after the parent, but I can see how you might be thinking differently.
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I love the unusual narrative style that was entertaining and uncomfortable all at the same time.
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Thank you, Jilly, I was striving for a different style. Glad you found it entertaining, and sorry for the uncomfortableness.
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Beautifully mystical.
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Thank you, Lisa – the real beauty is in the eye of the beholder, though 😇
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To me it seemed like there was a ritual occurring, deep inside the earth.
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Wonderful, Michael, I love your interpretation of my words. Thanks for reading.
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Very dreamy quality to this narration. I thought of birth too, or perhaps hallucination. Definitely makes me wonder how many of them (what did you call them–“authors?”) are among us, 🙂
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Haha – love you loving my dreaminess. And yes, they are here to stay – and there are so many of them, all with their own stories to tell and retell, over and over and over.
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That’s a very unusual narration, Kelvin! Is the person here suffering from mental disorder? Either she is imagining all these things or this phenomenon is taking place in some galaxies far far away.
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No mental disorder, Anshu, it could be happening up there, as we speak. Thanks for commenting.
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Dear Kelvin,
Intriguing and mystical. When three orbs flopped out of her mind I got the impression that she’s not a human. Visceral piece that leaves room for interpretation.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. I hope your interpretation was enjoyable for you.
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Just love your opening line…it keeps drawing me back to it…as if all that matters is contained there…in those few words 🙂
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You’re right, CarlyK111, you are right. That opening sentence is a story in itself, isn’t it?
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I’ve read it as a god-like creation myth, but after reading the comments I agree, birthing and authorship also fit. Beautiful language in any case.
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Thank you, GahLearner for seeing and feeling the beauty. That’s all I could ask for, really.
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I found this a sort mystical ScFi meets futuristic magic with embedded aliens living amongst us.
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You thought right, James, because you thought it. Thanks for the read and comment.
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That was such an unusual narration, and so poetic. Loved it.
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Aww, thank you, Anurag – I was striving for unusual narration and poetry. So glad to enjoyed my story.
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I’m going with an evil sorceress bringing forth ancient forces of darkness 🙂
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Brilliant, Ali – I am loving the way your mind is at work!
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Thanks, Sascha, for your profoundness. it is always about the journey, hey, not where we started or where we will or have finished, but what we gather along the way. 🙂
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There is a sense of wonder here, in this birthing. Love the trip.
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I’m always blown away by Penny’s insight. Sometimes I’ll read a story, then read HER comment, reread the story and go… well now that she mentioned it…
This is how I felt with this one. I loved the descriptions and while I am not sophisticated enough to read deep into it, still enjoyed the surrealism of it
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Thank you, Dale – and I love the honesty and truth and kindness in your comments.
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I can’t be any other way…
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Yup, same here. Penny is fantastic with the comments.
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I saw her as a spider. A mother spider.
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Ohhhhhh now that makes me thin of Babylon 5!
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Thin and think 😬
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Great narrator, Kelvin
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Thanks, Josh
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You write this, as you often do, in short, often incomplete, sentences, each one of which gives a vivid image. The succession of images builds up a sort of narrative that can be understood in many different ways. My favourite reading of this story is that it is about birth, but it may also be about authorship, or indeed many other things.
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Authorship to Mothership, Penny. You got it in one.
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I read once or twice that Stephen King calls those incomplete sentences frags. Maybe he would call those types of flash stories I write Frag Fiction. That is assuming he had the time to read little old me. Hope you don’t think I am showing off with authorship I am just trying to find a different slant / style for these types of stories. I liked that your saw my story in scenes which build up. I do tend to see pictures along with words…
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I don’t think you’re showing off at all. In fact, I think you’re rather brave putting experimental material up for criticism even on so gentle a platform as FF.
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I’m seeing three new moons in the sky
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Ohh hadn’t thought about it like that, but yes. Thanks, Neil.
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Such poetic writing – and intriguing too! I read it three times to savour the words. 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you, Susan. So kind. Hope you felt in the mind of this unusual narrator. I will be intrigued to see what others think.
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