Photo prompt by Fandango
Dear Readers
Little did I know when I posted the first version of this story yesterday that it would literally give rise to three versions. I include these below.
The first version (Revision A -bottom of this post) is the one I was happy with until Priceless Joy’s comment, which got me thinking, obviously I had not made my three characters clear, they were grown up but they weren’t men. Out rolled Revision B (middle of this post), which prompted Moon to make an implied observation about what the creature might be. This comment and concerns why these men/not men where here troubled me last night as I slept. First thing this morning, I remembered my last flash fiction story for What Pegman Saw (Crossroad) and my search for wonder. The wonder was not clear in this story, so out popped Revision C – my third and final Revision of this story I promise. This version can be found directly underneath this introduction.
Thank you PrioryHouseblog for being on my wavelength and for seeing that wonder and knowing what I wanted the creature to be but hadn’t made it clear.
And thank you everyone else for letting me share my editing machinations with you.
Hope you enjoy any, or all, Revisions of my story.
Sincerely
Kelvin
THREE INTO ONE (Revision C)
by
Kelvin M. Knight
The peculiar trough was exactly where Lac said it would be. Carefully, they emptied their sacks into each compartment. Albert poured pine cones. Charlie poured moss. Pouring horse chestnuts, Harry whispered, ‘This ain’t never gonna work.’
Holding fingers to their lips, Albert and Charlie glowered at him. Lac said any sound could scare it away.
Shrugging his shoulders, Harry followed them into the undergrowth. Here, the little men waited… for sunset… for the moon to rise… for fists of moths… for darting bats… blue-nosed badgers snuffling at humming tree trunks… the flapping of wings followed by an almighty thud.
Albert nearly gasped. Charlie gripped his mouth. Shaking its mane, the animal stretched mighty wings and leapt towards the trough. First it nosed the moss, then the pine cones. When it chomped the horse chestnuts, Harry squealed like a speared pig.
Wings ripped open the night. Rising rapidly, the animal glared at them with three faces – their faces. Nonchalance, bravado and wonder consumed its black eyes then rose to make its horn glow iridescent white.
(175 words)
THREE INTO ONE (Revision B)
by
Kelvin M. Knight
Rusty daggers sheathed, they approached the trough, each lugging a sack. Into the first compartment, Albert poured…
‘Pine cones?’ Harry snorted. ‘They’ll never work!’
‘Each to their own, Harold.’ Charlie poured moss from his sack into the third compartment of the trough.
‘Well?’ Albert and Charlie looked impatiently at Harry. ‘We haven’t got all night!’
‘Actually we have.’ Looking smug, Harry emptied the horse chestnuts from his sack into the middle compartment.
The little men then scurried into the undergrowth and waited… for sunset… for the moon to rise… for fists of moths… for darting bats… blue-nosed badgers snuffling into view… the flapping of wings followed by an almighty thud.
Albert gasped. Charlie gripped his mouth.
Shaking its mane, the animal stretched its wings and leapt towards the trough. First it nosed the moss, then the pine cones. When it chomped the horse chestnuts, Harry squealed like a speared pig.
Wings ripped open the night. Rising rapidly, the animal glared at them with three faces – their faces, swirling into one, before disappearing into blackness.
(175 words)
THREE INTO ONE (Revision A)
by
Kelvin M. Knight
They approached the makeshift trough, each lugging a sack. Into the first compartment, Albert poured…
‘Pine cones?’ Harry snorted. ‘They’ll never work!’
‘Each to their own, Harold.’ Charlie poured moss from his sack into the third compartment of the trough.
‘Well?’ Albert and Charlie looked impatiently at Harry. ‘We haven’t got all night!’
‘Actually we have.’ Looking smug, Harry emptied the horse chestnuts from his sack into the middle compartment.
Then they scurried into the undergrowth and waited… for the sun to set… the moon to rise… for fists of moths… for darting bats… for blue-nosed badgers snuffling into view… for the flapping of wings followed by that telltale thud.
Albert gasped. Charlie gripped his mouth.
Shaking its mane, the animal stretched its wings and trotted towards the trough. First it nosed the moss, then the pine cones. When it chomped the horse chestnuts, Harry squealed like a speared pig.
Wings ripped open the night. Rising rapidly, the animal glared at them with their faces – three lumps of greenness in one horse-like head.
(175 words)
This is my 175 word story for the Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers challenge number 151. We are given a photo prompt that is kindly photographed by our participants and approximately 75-175 words with which to create our stories. It’s fun and everyone is invited to participate. For more information, click HERE.
To read all the stories submitted for this challenge, click on the blue froggy button below:
Thanks for reading, writing, liking, commenting, and taking part!
Your stories are magical, heartfelt and with just the right bit of wonder all at once. Hats off for the multiple takes!
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Thank you, Lavanya. I hope your head doesn’t get too cold! And sorry for the lateness in responding to your comment, I’ve been a tad preoccupied.
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I respect your perseverance with the three versions of your story. I like each one – and the fairy tale mood of the tale.
I think you can as inventive as you want in a fairy tale.
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Oh thank you, Woman Walking Max, I am so glad you liked the fairy tale mood. It’s something new (old) for me. Yes, I think my inventiveness works well in these kinds of tales.
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More magical than the story was your Herculean effort in writing three versions of it. I find it very difficult to go back and rewrite anything I have written 🙂
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Oh dear, anurag, going over our work and re-editing is a vital part of writing. Just don’t re-write before the tale is complete, s complete as it can be in the first draft. Thanks for commenting and sorry for the delay in responding.
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I was happy enough with version A, well done for going back and looking again.
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Thanks, Iain. It is the curse of self editing – that many headed hyda
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Your persistence is inspiring. Version B is the most tension-filled and eerie. Each has a unique flavor.
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I am smiling, Kelly, because some say my persistence is a persistent pain in the… artwork. Thank you for recognising each flavour of my story. I personally liked the eeriness in Revision B the most.
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‘The little men then scurried into the undergrowth and waited… for sunset… for the moon to rise… for fists of moths… for darting bats… blue-nosed badgers snuffling into view… the flapping of wings followed by an almighty thud.’
What a a wonderful world you have created with your words, Kelvin!
I wonder if ‘their faces swirling into one’means that the little men were gulped down too?!
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Thank you for your lovely words, Moon. They mean so much. And maybe the little men were gobbled up. I wasn’t sure in this draft. I guess from the title of the story that is what I was angling for.
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Thanks for your considerate reply.🙂
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I felt this magical moment! ahhh
and was it a unicorn?
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A magical moment for sure, Y. And yes twas a unicorn. Thanks for spotting both. and soz for late response, been preoccupied of late. Hence no real presence on FF this week other than my story and none of What Pegman Saw. Hopefully a fuller participation this week. For sure.
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A horse with wings! I’m sure the men are very pleased with getting a glance at it! Very unusual that he had the faces of the men! Great story, Kelvin!
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Thanks, Priceless Joy. Your comment is well… priceless!
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