Posted in what pegman saw

THIS PLACE

Church of the Granite Columns from Wikipedia under a CC BY-SA 3.0 licence


THIS PLACE

© Kelvin M. Knight, 2019

In the emptiness of here, I see sand swirling, rising. You see sandcastles.

I see pillars cracking, crumbling. You see a palace.

I hear people weeping, wailing. You hear crowds cheering.

I hear an ominous silence. You hear distant angel song.

I smell fear feeding failure. You smell the sweetest perfume.

I taste dust. I choke on dust. You savour the cleanest water.

I feel time is coming to an end. You feel everything is just beginning.

I feel despondent, despairing. You feel full of hope.

‘Have faith, friend.’ Your lips, your eyes, your entire being blossoms into a smile. ‘Everything is going to be okay.’

Your smile touches me deeply. Your words fill me completely. Swaying, I see a sandcastle forming in the air and gasp as the wonder of this place reveals itself to me.

(137 words)


The above story was written in response to the What Pegman Saw prompt, which this week took us to:

Old Dongola, Sudan, Africa

You are warmly invited to the Inlinkz link party to read other globetrotting contributors’  stories inspired by this week’s prompt.

Click here to enter

Thank you, as ever, Karen and Josh, for hosting this great weekly prompt, and for everyone who takes part.

Author:

First and foremost I am a reader, then a storyteller. My reading tastes are eclectic. My writing can focus around the intimacy of closed settings and may tend towards characters who might be hiding something from themselves.

15 thoughts on “THIS PLACE

  1. Enjoyed this as it flowed with ease
    And only because I know you appreciate feedback I will share my takes on this piece – ((but some folks want less feedback – so please don’t think I am overdoing any comment stuff – just having fun with feedback because we both like a bit of expounding – am I right? – hope so… wink))
    In one take on this 137 word piece…. I felt “sections” like this:
    The first four lines seemed unified with their contrast (and i read in the comments here where you said it could be two Stones /people) –
    the next two lines – smell fear and taste dust – had their syncing vibe – and then then the jugular line came – so strong it could have ended this fiction! but as a turning point it worked well:
    “…feel time is coming to an end. You feel everything is just beginning.”
    That potent line had me pause – and as noted – it could have ended it or stood alone.
    Next – the despondent line and the “have faith” sentence seemed to have another unified vibe…
    To lead to the closing section – with a lyrical vibe – “deeply – completely – swaying” – And “wonder”

    The other take on had with this clever little piece was the first two lines were “see” the next two “hear” – then smell, taste, and feel
    …. all leading to the humanity experience with that message of encouragement –
    So beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love your comments, Y. And your expounding. Such lovely feedback is always welcome here. Wink. And I know the same is true on your blog (wink, wink) especially when I finally get around to writing a review of your latest book Lady by the River.

      What did you think of Nora’s blog post – quite an honour I think!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well I was pleased with it – and feel that it was appropriate for the series – where she wanted brevity and where that was important – so I tried to be succinct – but there is so much more to some of the stories from school days – but maybe that is what a memoir is for – hahaha (and not that I am anywhere close to even thinking about a memoir— no way – but I am joining in with NAnowrimo this month…. so far so good)
        And what about you? What are your plans for the month ?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I hope to receive final feedback from proof readers on my third anthology of flash fiction This Stone In Me while getting my fourth A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words in a fit state to send out to my proofers.

        Would love you to be involved in either or both of these however I know you are uber busy.

        Good luck with your memoir and NaNoNoNo write project.

        K to the 2 the 3 the 2 the 1 tho over and out. 🙃

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Laughing at your tagline closing – and brought more smiles on this chilly morning!
        I would be honored to be part in any way you need me…
        And I do have time this month.
        Also – was going to ask you if you’d possibly read and review charly’s poetry book.
        I will email
        You the info and it is a short read – but no worries if the time is not right.
        Email will
        Be
        Coming later tonight

        Liked by 1 person

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